Review: The Fault in Our Stars by John Green

Title: The Fault in Our Stars [Amazon|GoodReads]
Author: John Green [Website|Twitter|Facebook]
Standing: Stand alone novel.
Genre: Young Adult, Contemporary
Published: January 10th, 2012 by Dutton Books
Format: Hardcover; 313 pages.
Source: Borrowed from my local library.
Challenge: Completely Contemp Challenge

You have a choice in this world, I believe, about how to tell sad stories, and we made the funny choice.

Did you know that there are, chemically speaking, two different stages of love? The first stage, the one where you’re falling and all dopey and basically unable to function because you can’t think of anything but that other person is the result of a chemical cocktail of adrenaline, dopamine, and serotonin pouring through your brain. The second stage, the one where you’re committed and stay together potentially for life is because of two other chemicals, vasopressin and oxytocin. These are the ones that really bond you together, but the fact is, once you’re getting the vasopressin and oxytocin, you don’t get so much of the adrenaline, dopamine, and serotonin. And that, my friends, is probably the biggest reason that I (and quite probably you) love to read about falling in love. It gives me a bit of those chemicals (and feelings) back. That’s why after reading a book I love, I often can’t sleep, and I usually have a lot of energy. And I love it!

But here’s the thing. Reading can also make you feel not-so-good feelings that you don’t like and want to avoid like the plague. That, my friends, is why I did not really want to read The Fault in Our Stars. I drug my feet…a lot. Even while reading. A book that could have easily been read in one sitting, I read a third of, put down for two days, then read chapter by chapter for some time, getting up and doing something else constantly to try to keep myself from getting too involved. This behavior continued for about 2/3 of the book.  I knew what was coming, and I dreaded it. I kind of Monnicad this book. I didn’t want to get hurt, so I pushed it away, but it hurt anyway. But it also felt pretty good, falling in love with Augustus Waters.

This book doesn’t really need another review at this point (heck, I didn’t even bother to post a summary, please click the GoodReads link if you need one). Many/most of you have already read it, and to my knowledge, everyone’s loved it, so it seems silly to go on and on, and yet I’m not sure I can resist fawning a little. So here it goes:

I love Augustus. I love that he pushes this perfect boundary between being pushy and just plain attentive. I love that he doesn’t try to kiss Hazel, or call her too much, and I love that he reads her favorite book first thing, and really thinks about it.

I love that Hazel has a hard time standing much, and Augustus has a hard time sitting. Something about that whispers “star-crossed lovers” in your ear and breaks your heart.

I love that Hazel and Augustus both have wonderful families. Families who care about them and support them, and even hover a little, but the kids don’t resent them for it. They love them for it. There need to be more families like this in books (and maybe in real life).

I love that this book manages to include poetry that wasn’t at all cheesy, and did not once make me gag.

I love that this book made me laugh a lot more than it made me cry. I agree with Hazel and Augustus (and with Mr. John Green), you have a choice how to tell sad stories, and the funny choice? That’s the best one.

And I like my choices.

Likelihood that I'll be back for more: This was my second John Green, and I’m not going to lie, I am glad it wasn’t my first.  If it was my first, I’d probably think “wonderful book, but I’m not signing up for that again”.  Luckily, I remain very excited to read his other books, and plan on listening to the audio of Looking for Alaska somewhat soonish.  This guy’s made himself a must-read.

Recommended for:  The next time anyone says something degrading about the quality or value of YA lit, I’m going to slap them with The Fault in Our Stars and just dare them not to feel all the things.

Real life repercussions of reading this book:  Only 2.25 tissues used! <—Unsure if this is a bragging point, or a sign that I am well and truly dead inside.

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Review: Fracture by Megan Miranda

Title: Fracture [Amazon|GoodReads]
Author: Megan Miranda [Website|Twitter|Facebook]
Standing: Stand alone novel.
Genre: Young Adult, Speculative Fiction
Published: January 17th, 2012 by Walker Children's
Format: Hardcover; 262 pages.
Source: Borrowed from my local library.
Challenge: Debut Author Challenge

The first time I died, I didn't see God.

No light at the end of the tunnel.  No haloed angels.  No dead grandparents.
To be fair, I probably wasn’t a solid shoo-in for heaven.  But, honestly, I kind of assumed I’d make the cut.
I didn’t see any fire or brimstone, either.
Not even an endless darkness.  Nothing.
One moment I was clawing at the ice above, skin numb, lungs burning.  Then everything--the ice, the pain, the brightness filtering through the surface of the lake--just vanished.
And then I saw the light.

Delaney fell through the too-thin ice on the lake one day.  She fell through, and she didn’t come back up.  Her best friend, Decker, pulled her out eleven minutes later.  Death was definite; she was blue, cold, and not breathing.  Even if by some miracle Delaney were to live, she’d be in a comatose vegetative state for the rest of her life.  Only she wasn’t.  She was fine.  Or as fine as you could be when you were supposed to be dead but weren’t, which I suppose is really not fine at all.

Fracture took me by surprise with its intense emotions, steady pace, and overall feel.  This was one of those books I was greatly looking forward to, and yet for some reason once I had it in my hands, I let it sit for two months before picking it up.  Once I did, I couldn’t put it down.  I read Fracture in a single sitting, I think I actually put the book down once when I realized I needed sustenance and went to the kitchen for a snack, but I’ll admit it even made bathroom runs with me.  

Fracture instantly grips you into Delaney’s emotional plight, as she miraculously recovers from what should have been death, but despite her being alive, she isn’t the same.  Physically, and mentally, there is something most definitely wrong.  Her brain scans light up like a Christmas tree with areas that shouldn’t be firing properly, but are.  She should have short and long term memory loss, but she doesn’t.  She shouldn’t have control over her body motions, but she does.  Delaney isn’t in top shape, she has broken ribs, intense headaches, and no short of trauma.  She begins to have intense feelings of itch and pull from inside her brain, that draw her to certain places, certain people, as her hands begin to shake.  Her parents and the doctors tell her she is having hallucinations, and believe that she is hurting herself, and hurting others.  Delaney can’t believe this, and with horror she realizes that the pulls are drawing her to death, and that she’s not the only one.

I was surprised at how moved I was by Delaney’s story.  I was expecting an edge of my seat type story, and I got it, but I wasn’t expecting the dive into depression that Fracture took.  Both Delaney and her mother experience intense changes after Delaney’s accident, and have to struggle not to drown in their own hopeless states.  I went in thinking Delaney’s drowning was over before I started, but I ended knowing Delaney had been grasping for the surface for the duration of the book.  She has to grapple not only with her new abilities and physical changes, but with a complete upheaval in her home life, her school aspirations, and her relationships with friends.  Delaney has a surprising sense of mortality for someone so young, even beyond the reality that she should by all rights be dead.

It was sad to me how few friends Delaney really seemed to have.  It was like she was part of a group, but Decker was really the only one she let herself be close to.  While this never hurt before, when Delaney and Decker begin struggling with their own emotions, she has no one else to turn to and Decker basically ‘wins’ their mutual friends by default.  This upset me in no small part because I really wanted to love Decker.  I totally fell for him in the first chapter, when he breaks down in utter relief at Delaney’s revival, but then his actions through the rest of the book frustrate me to no end, and I ended up despising him and all of their other so called friends.  And then, there’s Troy.  Troy, the one person who can really understand what Delaney’s going through.  I want to hate Troy as much as I want to love Decker, but again, I can’t.  More than anything, I pity him.  When he meets Delaney, Troy finally feels that he’s no longer alone in the world, and I cannot fathom that kind of relief and intensity of emotion.

Fracture, to me, was an interesting observation on life, death, and healing.  It recognizes that often in the face of tragedy, the person whose tragedy it is gets pushed to the side as those around them need comfort.  While I loved that Fracture was a stand alone novel, I will say my biggest disappointment was the end.  It felt abrupt, and too out of touch with the overall story.  I wanted a little more of an outlook to the future, or at least an acknowledgement that there would be a future, however difficult or easy or sad or happy. Fracture was one of those books that I was completely immersed in, and yet liked much less than I expected when all was said and done.

Likelihood that I'll be back for more:  I will happily read whatever Megan Miranda comes up with next.  Fracture was a solid debut, and judging from it Miranda has immense potential.

Recommended for:  People who enjoy unreliable narrators, and some twists to their contemporary reads.  I’d say Fracture has a similar set up to If I Stay balance-wise, but reads more like Fury.

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Dehumanization: Why people dying can be funny, and animals dying never is.

Not too long ago, the amazing Amy of Tripping Over Books had a post about her “pet” peeve, in which she bemoaned authors killing off animals in books.  I agree wholeheartedly, and when I had my own brush with this feeling while reading Barry Lyga’s fantastic I Hunt Killers (reviewed here), I figured I had enough to say that I’d write my own post!

So here’s my first question—does the fact that we see death in books, video games, T.V. and movies so much help to dehumanize it?  Now, I am so NOT one of those people who thinks that violence in entertainment leads to psychos and violence in real life, in fact, I’m a big proponent of it on the level of personal enjoyment, but I can’t help but feel like experiencing the death of people so much makes me really not care. 

I make this same joke a lot.

Flannery, of The Readventurer included a pretty amazing graph in her review of I Hunt Killers in which she plotted various books and life events on a chart with an x-axis of funny to scary and a y-axis of gory to clean (and yes, Flannery, child birth is both very gory and a little scary).  This helped solidify some thoughts for me.  I like gore, and I like funny; I heart Quentin Tarantino movies and Chuck Palahniuk books.  Some sick, sad part of my soul revels in the gratuitous violence of a scene so bloody they have to make it black and white just to forego an NC17 rating (if you don’t know what I’m referring to, go watch Kill Bill.  Stat.  Unless gratuitous violence bothers you, then really don’t).  The Showtime show Dexter fits in there somewhere, as does the aforementioned I Hunt Killers.  I feel virtually nothing for these people whose lives are lost.  In fact, I savor them.  But then there’s a line, and that line my friend, is cute fluffy animals (okay, any animals, but being cute and fluffy helps with the pity factor).

That’s it, the one and only time I really felt anything like horror for any of the victims in I Hunt Killers was for the dog (I don’t think this is a spoiler as it’s mentioned early and often).  Why is that?  What’s wrong with me?  Part of me thinks that we get so upset about animal deaths because they always seem unnecessary.  Animals, generally, don’t have motives or perform actions that make them responsible.  They’re always the innocent bystanders.  Animals can’t be dehumanized for us, because they aren’t human…and quite frankly for me I tend to like them better than most humans.

So, is it sad that in order to pull at our heart strings, authors have to resort to killing off animals?  Is it even necessary?  I think it can be a cheap ploy, but on the other hand, it can be a genius way to put a ‘human’ face on a situation we’ve already stepped back from emotionally.  When I go into a book or movie knowing there will be violence, I’m cool with it.  I expect it, I like it, and as such, I don’t care when people die.  I’ve dehumanized them, and already written them off as not real.  But I can’t do that with animals.  Animals are always real, and thus, will always have my pity.

Review: I Hunt Killers by Barry Lyga

Title: I Hunt Killers [Amazon|GoodReads]
Author: Barry Lyga [Website|Twitter]
Standing: Stand alone novel.
Genre: Young Adult, Thriller
Published: April 3rd, 2012 by Little Brown Books for Young Readers
Format: Hardcover; 368 pages
Source: ARC copy provided as part of a tour hosted by The Midnight Garden (thank you!).

Jazz was afraid of two things in the world, and two things only.  One of them was that people thought that his upbringing meant that he was cursed by nature, nurture, and predestination to be a serial killer like his father.

The second thing...was that they were right.

As long as he can remember, Jazz’s dad has been killing people.  With a body count of 123 (124?), Billy Dent has become the world’s most notorious serial killer.  A new brand of sociopath.  And he spent years grooming Jazz to take up his throne when he was gone.  Now, four years after Billy was finally caught and put away, Jazz struggles to live life as a normal teen.  Lies and manipulation come as easy to him as breathing, and Jazz’s biggest fear is that he’s more like his dad than anyone knows.  When a body shows up in a field outside Lobo’s Nod, Jazz knows instantly what the cops don’t want to believe--that another serial killer is on the loose.  Jazz is certain he’s right, and that he can help the cops to catch their man.  After all, he’s the only one of them who really knows how to think like a serial killer.

When I first heard of I Hunt Killers, it was self-described as “Dexter meets Silence of the Lambs for teens”.  I always hate these types of descriptions which makes my mind just think things like ‘Serial killers...you know, for kids!”

But at the same time, it certainly got my attention.  And while I’d say I Hunt Killers is perfect for any fan of thrillers, particularly of the serial killer variety, I’ll also say that it was more original than I expected.  Now, while I’ve watched a fair amount of these types of movies, the only other book I’ve read in this vein is Darkly Dreaming Dexter.  I liked Darkly Dreaming Dexter, but it was honestly pretty boring after having already watched the Showtime adaptation.  I am happy to report that I Hunt Killers wasn’t about a serial-killer-killing serial killer (Dexter was awesome, but it’s been done), it was its own uniquely nauseating story of the child of a serial killer grappling with his own nature and frighteningly adept understanding of a sociopathic killer mentality.

Jazz is one of the most interesting characters I’ve ever seen behind.  He’s struggling with trying to be a normal teen, while completely aware that he is anything but.  He’s continually reminding himself that people are real, that people matter, while fighting the fact that he has an absence of feelings for other human beings he can only explain away by admitting to himself that he’s a sociopath.  Jazz wants so badly to be not be like his father, that the desire is probably the only thing that stands between them.  He has so many of his father’s characteristics.  He’s handsome and charming, he knows how to work people, he’s incredibly intelligent, but he also has a fascination with the ease with which he could destroy people.  Jazz is acutely aware of how close he is to slipping, how sometimes he thinks he might want to hurt people.  

I really wasn’t sure what we’re supposed to think of Jazz’s mental state, as he clearly didn’t know what he thought himself.  He’s so convinced he’s a sociopath--he has memories he can’t breach where he worries he’s done terrible things.  Honestly, I was pretty convinced he was a sociopath as well.  After all, not all sociopaths kill people, some of them are just business CEOs.  Jazz’s thought process was frightening to behold, and I loved it.

The story of I Hunt Killers never let up.  It starts with a dead body found naked in a field, and there is never a dull moment.  Jazz’s relationships with his friend, girlfriend, grandmother, and the cops have surprising depth and believability.  For me, what made I Hunt Killers unique as a thriller was that it was character driven.  Most often, I find that these types of books are so on the edge and plot driven, that the characters are only there to move things along.  Not so with I Hunt Killers.  It was entirely character driven, while simultaneously having a fast-paced and completely engrossing plot.  

Certainly one of my favorite reads this year, I Hunt Killers was a fantastic reminder that our decisions matter--they make us who we are more than our genetics and more than our upbringing.  Barry Lyga captures a mentality so vastly different from the average person’s that it is captivating, and frightening; like a train wreck, impossible to look away.  

Likelihood that I'll be back for more:  Oh goodness yes!  I’ve had some of Barry Lyga’s other books on my TBR already (like Mangaman), and I certainly plan to get to them.  

Recommended for:  Anyone who likes thrillers.  Because this one is YA, it’s less gruesome than an adult novel might be, though it is gruesome in parts.  I dug it, but many may not.  You can read the first 10 chapters of I Hunt Killers for free on Kindleand Nook.  And check out the awesome trailer here:

Real life repercussions of reading this book: I totally learned a better way to stop a nosebleed!  I used to get completely scary nosebleeds, but I Hunt Killers taught me that if you put pressure on the vein above your gums by shoving tissue under your upper lip it’ll help stem the flow.  Good to know even if I don’t get the totally freaky ones anymore.

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Review: Grave Mercy by R.L. LaFevers

Title: Grave Mercy [Amazon|GoodReads]
Author: R.L. LaFevers [Website|Twitter|Facebook]
Standing: First in a new series, His Fair Assassin, though it seems they will be more like companion novels, so yay!
Genre: Young Adult, Historical, Fantasy
Published: April 3rd, 2012 by Houghton Mifflin Harcourt
Format: Kindle edition.
Source: ARC from publisher via NetGalley.
Challenge: YA/MG Fantasy Challenge

I can dodge a blow or block a knife.  I am impervious to poison and know a dozen ways to escape a chokehold or garrote wire.  But kindness?  I do not know how to defend against that.

Ismae is forced into an arranged marriage to a man who terrifies her, by another who is just as bad.  When her new husband sees the scar marking her as a daughter of Death, he beats her savagely, and locks her away.  She is rescued by those who would send her to the convent of St. Mortain, filled with women who serve as the handmaidens of Death.  There she is trained in all manner of assassination tactics before being released on her first assignments to test her for full initiation into the convent.  These tests lead her on an assignment to the high court, where she must ferret out traitors and protect the young Duchess.  She is supposed to watch one man in particular, but soon Ismae doesn’t know who she can or cannot trust, including herself.

You know those books that fill you up and leave you positively giddy and excited about life?  Well, this may sound odd, but that for me was a book about this female assassin who is the daughter of Death.  Morbid much?  Well, maybe a little, but in this case I don’t think so.  Grave Mercy was a beautifully rendered historical fiction with touches of fantasy, mythology, and a slow burning romance that will have any girl holding her breath.  I was hooked in from the first paragraph, where we learn that Ismae bears a scar from her mother’s attempt to abort her as a fetus; the fact that she survived indicated that she was the daughter of Death himself.  

The story takes place in Brittany, which is now the upper NW corner of France, but at the time was its own country sitting uncomfortably between England and France.  LaFevers creates a haunting and wonderful mythology where the country’s nine gods have been transposed into saints under the Christian church (as the Christian church was wont to do).  Ismae escapes a desperate and cruel life under the abusive men that raised her and bought her as wife, to study under the tutelage of the sisters of St. Mortain’s convent.  The convent trains its members as assassins, as they are all offspring of their saint, Death himself.  Literally. Like Megan Whalen Turner's The Queen's Thief series, or Mercedes Lackey's Valdemar, the gods are very present and important in a more direct way that we often see. As full initiates of St. Mortain, these women work as his handmaidens, dolling out vengeance to those who put Brittany in danger.  

Dudes, can I even express how awesome Ismae and her sisters in Death are?!  Apparently not without reverting into surfer lingo.  If you love strong women who don’t take no crap from no man, Grave Mercy is for you!  Ismae and the other girls all have horrors in their pasts that have led them to the convent.  At St. Mortain’s, they are offered a chance at a new life, one where they will be the wolves that prey.  They are trained in skills of weapons, combat, poisons, and seduction.  They have a seeress that forsees those who have been marqued for death.  To them, their work is not murder, it is a sacrament to their god and father.  Ismae has her own unique talents given by her father; she can see maques indicating when and how a man will die, and she is immune to poison.  Ismae gratefully accepts a place at the convent, looking forward to proving herself and casting vengeance on men, who in her experience are only cruel and untrustworthy.  

And then there’s Duval.  Duval!  Prepare for the slow-burn romance of the year because man oh man.  It’s a good thing corsets weren’t around yet, or there’d be lots of swooning going on up in here.  Duval is unwillingly saddled with Ismae, each have their own agendas and countless reasons not to trust one another.  And they don’t.  Not only is this a romance that takes hundreds of pages to unfold, it develops from the very depths of mistrust.  Personally, I loved Duval instantly.  It was clear by the relationships he had with his friends, and the fierce dedication and support he showed for his half-sister and country, that he was a wonderful man.  And he would have to be to earn any leeway from Ismae, who has only known men as dangerous, conniving, treacherous, and cruel.  Duval never pushes Ismae, or asks her to be anything but who she is, and I love it.

I will say that this is one of those books that I’m torn about seeing the ‘YA’ label on.  Yes, this is great for YA readers, but at the same time I am sad at the amount of adults who will not read this series because of it.  The characters and situations, to me, make this a very adult book, so I’m hoping there will be plenty who give it a shot!  I am so excited to see this series continue, largely because I believe it will be set up in a companion novel sort of fashion.  The second book will be about another of the girls at the convent, Sybella, and so I am hopping the third will be about their friend Annith.  I love series that do this, and though I adored Duval and Ismae, I am happy they won’t be the focus of Dark Triumph.  Of course, that doesn’t mean I’ll get all huffy if they were to make an appearance!

Likelihood that I'll be back for more:  I’ve already considered stalking and/or bribes to get my hands on Dark Triumph asap.  Not only that, but I can see myself rereading Grave Mercy in the future, such was my love for it!   

Recommended for:  Anyone whose favorite SoIaF character is Arya, or I suppose fans of strong women who persevere through tough times in general.  This is a fantastic historical fiction, even for those who prefer theirs fantasy free--all of the politics are very true to life, and it would be a strong book even without the mythological elements (though I loved the mythological elements!).  

Real life repercussions of reading this book:  I learned something very important about reading historical fiction!  If you aren’t familiar with the history don’t go read about it before you finish the book.  Total spoilers.  If you’re interested, I read some history of Brittany on Wikipedia, and the author also has a lovely post on the specific era here.  Do read it, but after.

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Review: If I Stay by Gayle Forman

Title: If I Stay [Amazon|GoodReads]
Author: Gayle Forman [Website|Twitter|Facebook]
Standing:Book 1 of 2, followed by Where She Went.
Genre: Young Adult, Contemporary, Speculative Fiction
Published: April 9th, 2009 by Dutton Juvenile
Format: E-book edition; 177 pages.  
Source: Borrowed from my local library.


Summary from GoodReads (because I don't have it in me to write one):

In a single moment, everything changes. Seventeen year- old Mia has no memory of the accident; she can only recall riding along the snow-wet Oregon road with her family. Then, in a blink, she finds herself watching as her own damaged body is taken from the wreck...

A sophisticated, layered, and heartachingly beautiful story about the power of family and friends, the choices we all make -and the ultimate choice Mia    commands.

So for weeks I’ve been struggling with the notion of whether or not I was ever going to get a review written for If I Stay.  I couldn’t see a way to do it without making it somewhat personal, but then I read Rachel Hawkin’s amazeballs review of The Fault in Our Stars and felt totally inspired (yo...honest to God tears/laughing at the end).  I saw that sometimes when a book really hits home it’s okay to internalize it and let people know how it really affected you, because that’s what gives the book power.  

I wasn’t sure I was ever going to read If I Stay.  See, I knew it was about a girl who got in a horrible car accident with her family, and somehow got to determine whether she lived or not in the aftermath.  Do you ever avoid books that hit too close to home because you either don’t want those feelings dredged up again, or you don’t want someone who hasn’t been through that type of situation dictating how it feels?  I do.  On my twelfth birthday, my family got in a horrible car accident.  And just like in If I Stay, that’s what it was.  An accident.  We rolled our Suburban eight times down the middle of I90 in Montana at 85 miles per hour (yes, at the time, this was a legal speed).  My brother and I emerged miraculously unscathed.  Yeah, we were bruised, cut, and were picking glass out of our scalps for weeks, but nothing broken, nothing internally damaged.  Our mother was killed.  It sucked balls, it still sucks.  I’ve never been able to have a real ‘happy’ birthday since.  And to have to think ‘we were lucky’ because my brother and I were okay, and have people say ‘God has a plan for her, it was her time’ still makes me so unbelievably angry I could punch babies.  So I have a bit of a hard time reading books or watching movies about car accidents the way others have a hard time reading books about cancer.

I think that the number one thing I grabbed onto in this book for stability was the reality of the situation as an accident.  There was no drunk driver to blame it on, sometimes normal people under normal circumstances make a mistake that has very beyond normal consequences.  Thank you Gayle Forman for recognizing that.  Sometimes shit happens. It isn’t anybody’s fault, it just does.  

Also, I had Mia to hold on to.  I loved Mia, and I adored her family.  She was a quiet, introverted, musically inclined teen who actually liked hanging out with her family.  I grew up in a music loving family (both my parents are/were musicians, and my father owns the local music store) and I always loved hanging out with my family too.  Mia was mature beyond her years, but still was faced with one of the most impossible decisions imaginable.  The story cuts between what Mia is experiencing after the car accident and memories of her life before.  Her love for her family, her experiences playing cello, her best friend, and Adam, the love of her life.  If I Stay made me break down, and no book, not even Thirteen Reasons Why has made me do that in a very, very long time.  It was refreshing, like cleaning up the soul a bit.  It’s important to remember that sometimes what comes next doesn’t have to be answered.

My parents aren’t here.  They are not holding my hand, or cheering me on.  I know them well enough to know that if they could, they would.  Maybe not both of them.  Maybe Mom would stay with Teddy while Dad watched over me.  But neither of them is here.

And it’s while contemplating this that I think about what the nurse said.  She’s running the show.  And suddenly I understand what Gramps was really asking Gran.  He had listened to that nurse, too.  He got it before I did.

If I stay.  If I live.  It’s up to me.

All the business about medically induced comas is just doctor talk.  It’s not up to the doctors.  It’s not up to the absentee angels.  It’s not even up to God, who, if He exists, is nowhere around right now.  It’s up to me.

How am I supposed to decide this?  How can I possibly stay without Mom and Dad?  How can I leave without Teddy?  Or Adam?  This is too much.  I don’t even understand how it all works, why I’m here in the state that I’m in or how to get out of it if I wanted to.  If I were to say, I want to wake up, would I wake up right now?  I already tried snapping my heels to find Teddy and trying to beam myself to Hawaii, and that didn’t work.  This seems a whole lot more complicated.

But in spite of that, I believe it’s true.  I hear the nurse’s words again.  I am running the show.  Everyone is waiting on me.

I decide.  I know this now.

And this terrifies me more than anything else that has happened today.

Likelihood that I'll be back for more: I still can't decide! I have Where She Went, but I'm not sure if I'm ready yet to find out what happens next.

Recommended for: People in the mood for an emotionally powerful read, people with close families, and people who just want to be reminded that sometimes shit happens. This is a great one-sitting type read.

Real life repercussions of reading this book:  I’m sorry that this review was so personal, I usually try not to do that, but there was really no other way for me to talk about this book.  I could have gone on a lot more, but I did resist. On the bright side, I finally read it because I will get to see and meet Gayle Forman today at a library association meeting!