Showing posts with label depression. Show all posts
Showing posts with label depression. Show all posts

May 3, 2012

Review: Fracture by Megan Miranda

Title: Fracture [Amazon|GoodReads]
Author: Megan Miranda [Website|Twitter|Facebook]
Standing: Stand alone novel.
Genre: Young Adult, Speculative Fiction
Published: January 17th, 2012 by Walker Children's
Format: Hardcover; 262 pages.
Source: Borrowed from my local library.
Challenge: Debut Author Challenge

The first time I died, I didn't see God.
No light at the end of the tunnel.  No haloed angels.  No dead grandparents.
To be fair, I probably wasn’t a solid shoo-in for heaven.  But, honestly, I kind of assumed I’d make the cut.
I didn’t see any fire or brimstone, either.
Not even an endless darkness.  Nothing.
One moment I was clawing at the ice above, skin numb, lungs burning.  Then everything--the ice, the pain, the brightness filtering through the surface of the lake--just vanished.
And then I saw the light.

Delaney fell through the too-thin ice on the lake one day.  She fell through, and she didn’t come back up.  Her best friend, Decker, pulled her out eleven minutes later.  Death was definite; she was blue, cold, and not breathing.  Even if by some miracle Delaney were to live, she’d be in a comatose vegetative state for the rest of her life.  Only she wasn’t.  She was fine.  Or as fine as you could be when you were supposed to be dead but weren’t, which I suppose is really not fine at all.

Fracture took me by surprise with its intense emotions, steady pace, and overall feel.  This was one of those books I was greatly looking forward to, and yet for some reason once I had it in my hands, I let it sit for two months before picking it up.  Once I did, I couldn’t put it down.  I read Fracture in a single sitting, I think I actually put the book down once when I realized I needed sustenance and went to the kitchen for a snack, but I’ll admit it even made bathroom runs with me.  

Fracture instantly grips you into Delaney’s emotional plight, as she miraculously recovers from what should have been death, but despite her being alive, she isn’t the same.  Physically, and mentally, there is something most definitely wrong.  Her brain scans light up like a Christmas tree with areas that shouldn’t be firing properly, but are.  She should have short and long term memory loss, but she doesn’t.  She shouldn’t have control over her body motions, but she does.  Delaney isn’t in top shape, she has broken ribs, intense headaches, and no short of trauma.  She begins to have intense feelings of itch and pull from inside her brain, that draw her to certain places, certain people, as her hands begin to shake.  Her parents and the doctors tell her she is having hallucinations, and believe that she is hurting herself, and hurting others.  Delaney can’t believe this, and with horror she realizes that the pulls are drawing her to death, and that she’s not the only one.

I was surprised at how moved I was by Delaney’s story.  I was expecting an edge of my seat type story, and I got it, but I wasn’t expecting the dive into depression that Fracture took.  Both Delaney and her mother experience intense changes after Delaney’s accident, and have to struggle not to drown in their own hopeless states.  I went in thinking Delaney’s drowning was over before I started, but I ended knowing Delaney had been grasping for the surface for the duration of the book.  She has to grapple not only with her new abilities and physical changes, but with a complete upheaval in her home life, her school aspirations, and her relationships with friends.  Delaney has a surprising sense of mortality for someone so young, even beyond the reality that she should by all rights be dead.

It was sad to me how few friends Delaney really seemed to have.  It was like she was part of a group, but Decker was really the only one she let herself be close to.  While this never hurt before, when Delaney and Decker begin struggling with their own emotions, she has no one else to turn to and Decker basically ‘wins’ their mutual friends by default.  This upset me in no small part because I really wanted to love Decker.  I totally fell for him in the first chapter, when he breaks down in utter relief at Delaney’s revival, but then his actions through the rest of the book frustrate me to no end, and I ended up despising him and all of their other so called friends.  And then, there’s Troy.  Troy, the one person who can really understand what Delaney’s going through.  I want to hate Troy as much as I want to love Decker, but again, I can’t.  More than anything, I pity him.  When he meets Delaney, Troy finally feels that he’s no longer alone in the world, and I cannot fathom that kind of relief and intensity of emotion.

Fracture, to me, was an interesting observation on life, death, and healing.  It recognizes that often in the face of tragedy, the person whose tragedy it is gets pushed to the side as those around them need comfort.  While I loved that Fracture was a stand alone novel, I will say my biggest disappointment was the end.  It felt abrupt, and too out of touch with the overall story.  I wanted a little more of an outlook to the future, or at least an acknowledgement that there would be a future, however difficult or easy or sad or happy. Fracture was one of those books that I was completely immersed in, and yet liked much less than I expected when all was said and done.

Likelihood that I'll be back for more:  I will happily read whatever Megan Miranda comes up with next.  Fracture was a solid debut, and judging from it Miranda has immense potential.

Recommended for:  People who enjoy unreliable narrators, and some twists to their contemporary reads.  I’d say Fracture has a similar set up to If I Stay balance-wise, but reads more like Fury.

Get a second opinion:
Into the Hall of Books
Anna Reads
The Book Smugglers

Jan 5, 2012

Review: Thirteen Reasons Why by Jay Asher

audiobook cover for Thirteen Reasons Why by Jay Asher
Title: Thirteen Reasons Why [Amazon|GoodReads]
Author: Jay Asher [Website|Twitter|Facebook]
Standing: Stand alone novel.
Genre: Young Adult, Contemporary 
Published: October 18th, 2007 by Razorbill
Format: Audiobook; 6 hrs, 24 mins.  Read by Debra Wiseman and Joel Johnstone 
Source: Borrowed from my local library.

I’ve been meaning to read this book for ages, but who gets ‘in the mood’ to read a book about suicide?  It’s akin to how I’ve been meaning to rewatch Schindler’s List since I first saw it quite young, but again...who gets in that mood?

Thirteen Reasons Why begins when Clay comes home to find a package with his name on it.  He’s surprised to find it contains outdated audiotapes, numbered with what looks like blue nail polish.  There’s no return address, but as soon as he begins listening he knows who the tapes are from--Hannah.  Hannah, who Clay had a crush on for several years.  Hannah who he had made out with one night at a party where she lost it.  Hannah who’s no longer there...because two weeks ago, she killed herself.  The tapes Clay receives tell the story of thirteen reasons why Hannah came to the decision she did.  

I thought that a book about tape recordings would best be ingested as an audiobook, and I stand by that.  I’m glad I was listening at home though, because I’m not sure how I would have handled driving through this.  It’s no secret that I had a hard time with this book, who wouldn’t?  I’ve been where Hannah was, but was lucky enough to have the support that led me to a different decision.  That said, I’m going to try to keep this review from getting overly personal because you don’t all need to know my story.  We all have our own stories, trust me, someone cares about yours.  

Clay is, to put it mildly, upset when he receives Hannah’s tapes.  He’s grappling with feelings of anger, not understanding how she could have done what she did, not understanding what he did to deserve these tapes.  He cared about Hannah, he’d been trying for years to find a way to connect with her, and he finally thought he had, but she pushed him away.  Why?  Both Clay and Hannah have/had reputations; Clay is known as the “nice guy”, he’s about to be valedictorian, he’s responsible, and everyone likes him.  Hannah has a very different reputation, and as Clay listens to her tapes, we see how it was formed.

Thirteen Reasons Why reflects how a snowball can form from actions, and consequences can add up to be much greater than the sum of those actions.  I found myself sharing many of the feelings Clay was experiencing.  I was mad at Hannah.  Suicide, to me, seems incredibly selfish, and creating tapes to let people know that they are to blame for your decision?  I’m not sure I can imagine anything more vindictive or horrible.  Hannah says she wants people to think about their actions, to let them know how they affect others

Waiting to find out why Clay was on the tapes (because he was so certain he didn’t belong) was almost sickening.  It reminded me of Elizabeth Miles’s Fury, waiting to know what Chase did...

River Song Spoilers banner by Bunbury in the Stacks


and so I have to admit I was almost disappointed when I found out Clay didn’t belong, that he didn’t do anything wrong.  Afterward I understood that we needed Clay as the vessel for this story, that we need someone who was innocent, who had reached out too late, or the story would have been truly unbearable.


We experience this story almost as a conversation between Hannah and Clay, each sharing their sides of the story and the people they involve. For Clay, many are revelations:
“With every side of every tape, an old memory gets turned upside down.  A reputation twists into someone I don’t recognize.”

As the tapes moved forward, I found my anger at Hannah dissipating, and a horrid understanding taking control.  It stops feeling like she is blaming others for her situation, and is turning inward, blaming herself.  Hannah became apathetic, she gave up on herself and wouldn’t let anyone reach her.  Worst of all--she knew it.  She knew that she chose it, that she was alone because she wanted to be, but that doesn’t make it right.  Hannah shouldn’t have gotten there, someone should have reached out sooner.  Not that I’m blaming others for her choice, I’m not, but I do sincerely think that Hannah could have been reached.  

Thirteen Reasons Why for me was a similar reading experience to that of Laurie Halse Anderson’s Speak.  Speak, to me, is a powerful book for those experiencing depression, whereas Thirteen Reasons Why might be more powerful for those seeing depression from the outside.  I’d like to share a post by Karen over at Teen Librarian’s Toolbox on this book, teens, and suicide, as she is perhaps more eloquent than I, and shares some wonderful resources on the subject.

Likelihood that I'll be back for more:  I just picked up The Future of Us, which is coauthored by Jay Asher and Carolyn Mackler, so I’m sure you’ll be seeing a review for that one very soon!

Recommended for: Everyone.  It is my strong belief that everyone in their lifetime will be touched by depression, whether experiencing it themselves or seeing it in someone they care about.  Thirteen Reasons Why can help you to express yourself, understand, and reach out.

Real life repercussions of reading this book:  This book left me raw.

Thirteen Reasons Why has a movie deal currently set for 2013, and you can read more about the book and related programs here.

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